I’ve been a bad, bad girl…

Yes, it’s true.. I, too, can be a bad, bad girl. In fact, I’m being one right now. Bet you couldn’t tell because of the magical screen of your computer that has mysteriously gone all sparkly. Hehehe. But seriously.. it’s been an astonishing 7 days since I last posted and that makes me a bad girl.

Strangely enough I can’t figure out what has kept me captivated until well past midnight each and every night. I do know that once my back started feeling better I found myself wandering around the house looking for things to do. I have almost finished my project for my business that will allow me to get down to the work of designing and creating garments. I just have one thing to say about ductape.. it is NOT oblivious to the laws of physics as some of the hype you may have heard suggests. The bodyform is drooping in places that it shouldn’t and is sagging in other places in response to gravity. I do believe I’ve also overstuffed the poor silver monster because it keeps popping its seams. Which is odd because there are plenty of spots on the thing that seem to lack stuffing. Hmm, how to get it to shift without having to dissect it again is the question.

I also need to make a trip to the home improvement store for a ridiculously long screw to keep the bodyform from leaning so far forward that it falls over. I have reason to believe that it’s the short screw currently in the base that is allowing this to happen. The weight is making that small screw useless.

We’ve been having some interesting weather in Northern California lately. Today while I was letting tossing the toy, inside, for the puppy I heard noise on the roof. It didn’t sound like rain so I glanced at the blinds that were open slightly and saw small white objects hit the ground. I didn’t believe my eyes so I ran to the door. The puppy and I stepped out to see blue skies over my neighbors house across the street and yet there was hail coming down so thick it almost looked like rain until you noticed the white pebbles all over the ground. Blue sky.. and hail? Intriguing!

I keep being told that its supposed to snow here, which is DOESN’T traditionally do, but the news tonight said it probably wouldn’t happen. :( Boooooooo. But at least the mountains to the east and north of us will be beautiful with their white caps. The last time it actually snowed here I was in high school. Sadly, it wasn’t enough to get us a snow day. :D

I have to thank the trike rides for the weight I lost, because going along with the theme of me being a bad, bad girl I haven’t been doing the diet very well. Today was the best attempt so far this week, but I failed to drink very much water. I need to get back on the ball.

It’s supposed to be sunny but really, really cold tomorrow so I plan on going for another ride. I probably won’t bring the puppy since she’d be shivering through the whole ride. But we’ll see.. she may not let me go easily. She’s so possessive… well, as possessive as an 9lb dog can be. LOL

Today is my mother’s birthday and she’s spending it with two of her sisters in Sacramento. I hope she had a really great day and comes home smiling. I left her a silly message on her home phone that I hope brings a smile to her lips when she hears it on her return home. We get to get together with her next weekend to celebrate. :)

Pounds lost: 17 (372.0)

Daily insight: Beware of small dogs.. they will use you as a trampoline if you let them!

Ounces of water consumed: 32

Steps in the right direction: 109

Blech…

Woke up with my back being a pain in the back. Sooo, I took part of a muscle relaxer but still had to fight my back to get in the car and drive out to my folks place to pick up a drill. Dad hooked me up with some other things I needed to complete my project.

My body and the partial muscle relaxer didn’t get along and as soon as I got back home and put groceries away I was passed out on the couch. I was asleep for several hours and while my back isn’t hurting as bad my head is super groggy. Me no like.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better and muuuuch more productive. :)

Pounds lost: 15.5 (373.3)

Daily insight: The rejuvenation factor of sleep is lost when it’s drug induced.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 102

Thursday is here again…

Well, it’s raining here in Northern California and while rain in winter isn’t unusual, the amount of rain we’re getting is. My home has a flat roof so I really hear the rain when it’s pounding out a tempo above my head. It’s been coming down so hard that it’s been like a constant drone in the background. My puppy doesn’t want to go out in it to take care of her business and I feel like her mean human when I insist she does. She gets me back, though, by making sure to shake off the icy cold rainwater as close to my legs as possible. Hehehe.

I’m in the middle of a project for my business that’s been making me scratch my head. I think I’m getting a bald spot. But I hope to have it finished by the end of this weekend. If only the rain would let up long enough for me to go get a drill from my Dad. Of course, while I’m there I’m hoping to commander the miter saw to make some of the cuts I need so I won’t have to use the jigsaw to do it. :D

I’m taking on another freelance job too and I hope I’m not repeating past mistakes and getting in over my head. Thankfully, since I’ve quit doing any other work through that website I don’t have a full plate. That should make it easier for me to complete the job.

Today was weigh in day.. insert sarcastic yay here.. and even though I’ve been riding my trike every day that it’s been sunny I didn’t lose any weight. Well, ok.. I lost .2lbs, but that is barely worth counting. I know why I didn’t lose weight and it has me mad at myself. I’ve been EATING. And I mean, not good stuff. I’ve also uncorked the IV and have been ingesting Pepsi. SIGH. I know why I’ve been doing that too. Comfort food/drink. Reality is staring me in the eye and I’m scared of where it will lead. No job, no income.. how long can I hold out with just my faith before I’m scrambling to find a place to stash my stuff while I’m homeless. This isn’t supposed to be happening. I think my fear of the future is allowing me to eat poorly because my brain is saying.. better get it now before there’s no chance of getting it again.

It’s a defeatist attitude and I don’t like it. I need to keep faith and keep moving forward down the path I’m on. Good things will come.. they must be just ahead. I only need to keep my eyes open for them.

Pounds lost: 15.5 (373.3)

Daily insight: Tomorrow might be the answer to everything.

Ounces of water consumed: 0

Steps in the right direction: 101

Me tired…

Did a lot of chores today, some that weren’t even my own (hehehe), so I’m tired and that means I’m not going to write tooooo much tonight. I have more chores to do tomorrow and then work, work, work on my own stuff.

Diet went really well today, but water did not. Gotta find a way to get both done without cramming it in at the end of the night.

Off to bed I go. :)

Pounds lost: 15.3 (373.7)

Daily insight: Sleepy time…

Ounces of water consumed: 32

Steps in the right direction: 97

Weekends are for resting, right?…

Ok, so yesterday I said I’d admit it if I didn’t complete my laundry list of my to do list. Well… I didn’t. LOL I did make a good dent in it and tomorrow I have more plans to finish it off. I’m hoping to pick up a half wine barrel and some great fertilizer from my parents that I can add to the others in my front yard where I grow vegetables. Since the majority of my to do list has to do with the front yard I figured I could hold off on doing them until I get the barrel and fertilizer.

My happy place got a little dented today when I was talking to a friend of mine. We were talking about how being a writer has changed so much in just the last 20 years. More and more people are writing and less and less people are becoming successful at it. Getting published seems to be similar to the odds you have at getting chosen to sing on American Idol. Thousands of hopefuls and only one winner. Depressing! It’s possible that I have better odds at winning the lottery. LOL! Naaaaw, I don’t think that’s the case. Plus, when I write it’s usually to hopefully help other people or it’s just for me. I guess it could be said that I’m not really looking to be “discovered”. I’d probably be happy just to make my family happy with silly stories.

I went on another ride today. It was beautiful outside here in Northern California and since rain isn’t expected until this coming week I figured I should enjoy the sunshine while I can. The puppy and I set out for a short ride to take us to the dog park before taking a tour of a nearby neighborhood. My legs are still sooo sore from all the riding and it’s making me walk funny. Even just walking through the house can be awkward enough to even amuse myself. Hehehe.

The diet went pretty well today, but I’ve noticed that I keep “missing” breakfast. I think that’s hurting my weight loss. I need to make sure that even if it’s just a piece of fruit I get something in my belly an hour after I get up. That’s my goal for this coming week.. I will get back into the habit of eating breakfast.

Pounds lost: 15.3 (373.7)

Daily insight: Sleeping in is a Saturday tradition, isn’t it?

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 96

A laundry list of a To Do List…

Today was a busy day and when I got home I found myself glued to my desk chair exploring the Internet and playing the addictive game of Spider Solitaire. Evil mindless game! LOL Ok, not so mindless since you have to be able to look ahead several steps to actually win the game. But still.. it is an evil tool of procrastination for the Queen of Procrastination to take advantage of. And.. I did. LOL

I have quite a long list of chores to do tomorrow so I’m hoping the weather holds out and I get to complete them. I was sooo surprised when I got up this morning. My body is so stiff! I think the exhaustion I mentioned yesterday has transformed into serious muscle ache. My thighs are totally owied! Every time I stand up from the chair I feel them. LOL I guess all the biking is finally being felt. Yeow! I’m sure it will feel better in the morning. I sure hope so since I plan on taking another ride before I start my chores.

Sooo.. I’m hoping to report that I accomplished a whole mess of chores when I post tomorrow night. Of course if I didn’t.. I’ll still tell. :D

Pounds lost: 15.3 (373.7)

Daily insight: Stretching feels awesome when you have tight muscles.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 95

Taking care of the remnants of Autumn...

The weather has been so wonderful for the last couple of weeks and it makes me think that Spring is just around the corner. Workload and illness has restricted my ability to collect and toss out all of the trappings of autumn that were cluttering up my front and back yards. The leaves are everywhere and the grass is struggling to break through.

Today I went on another ride today. I went to visit my grandparents that live about 2 miles from my house. I managed to get there in about 20 minutes. Exciting! We visited for over an hour before I biked on back home. When I got back I was still feeling so energized that I managed to clean up my backyard. All the leaves that I could wrangle are now in the green waste bin. My potted plants can now breath without the clog of leaves. I was pleasantly surprised when I went to de-leaf one pot and discovered that wild onions had been brought in by birds and the wind and were now thriving. I transplanted the flowers that had been in that pot and have given it over to the wild onions. How exciting! I love it when nature gives me a gift like that.

Cleaning the backyard took up most of the day so when I was done I was… DONE. Hehehe. I’m exhausted. I know I’m going to sleep really well tonight. I am going to be working for my Dad tomorrow so I have to make sure that I actually succeed in waking up with my alarm in the morning. I hope I can! The sandman usually has a strong hold on me in the morning.

Well, today was weigh in day and although I keep cringing when I step on the scale I was pleased to discover I had lost 3.2lbs. Wahoo! I believe I owe that loss completely to biking! The plan is to get my diet completely back on track come Monday so when I ride I’ll be making more of a dent in my weight loss. I can’t wait until I’ve built up enough endurance to ride to the grocery store instead of driving.

Pounds lost: 15.3 (373.7)

Daily insight: Exercise increases your energy level!

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 94

Riding along with the wind in my hair…

There’s just something delightful about riding along with the wind making your hair dance behind you. I went for a ride today and as I pedaled along I found myself smiling and saying hello to everyone that I passed along the way. Smiling and saying hello isn’t anything new for me, but today the smiles in return seemed brighter. I love it when people are cheerful. And I know from experience that a smile is contagious and will brighten your day.

When I made it back home my good mood continued and I found myself making up songs as I moved around the house. Nonsense songs that would have only made sense to me if someone overheard me. I sang to the puppy, to the dishes, and even to the computer screen. I decided that my smile today stemmed from the song I had in my heart. I think having a song in your heart is important. Even if it’s a stereotypical down on your luck country song. With a song in your heart you can change your mood just by changing the lyrics.

The next time you are in a bad mood, try singing a silly song to yourself.. one that makes you laugh.. and see how long you can keep yourself in a bad mood. I bet it won’t be for very long.

The diet got thrown off balance today because of an unexpected trip to Sonoma to help a neighbor get both her husband (who couldn’t drive because his diabetes was messing with his vision) and her car home. But the water intake was good and I still have a song in my heart. Not to shabby! :D

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: Smiles are contagious!

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 93

How can it be this late?

Today was one of those days that seemed to fly by. I didn’t wake up late, I woke up pretty early and the day proceeded to disappear with a lot of speed. I did fix my trike so I was able to go for a ride today. I have plans for another one tomorrow.

I was able to catch up with a friend of mine, which was really nice, so I spent most of the day in front of the computer. Unfortunately, I didn’t spend it productively. I wasted a lot of the day playing spider on my computer. LOL

I have an assignment due tomorrow so I’ll be at the computer again, but I since I have plans to ride my trike I think I’m going to make a trip out of it and head over to my grandparents for a visit.

I’ve been making plans to get started on my designs. I am determined to have my custom body form created by this Sunday. I asked my niece to work on it with me, but I’m concerned that she “won’t be available” so I’m going to see if my mom would be interested in helping me. The sooner I get started the sooner I can get things available for purchase. :)

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: Sometimes the day just.. disappears.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 92

Making Plans…

Today I spent some time with my sister and then worked to complete a contract that I had for my freelance work. I’m trying to whittle down the workload I had through a specific website so I can start focusing on more lucrative projects. I was talking to my sister today and she reminded me how excited I had been about a clothing line I had started to design for people that are following the pagan path.

Not all of us are comfortable completing rituals skyclad nor is the weather always reasonable for doing so. There are paths that don’t call for being unclothed to commune with their creator. When I have searched for ritual wear online I have noticed a lack of creativity in a lot of what I find. There are cloaks, of course, and many of them are lovely but I believe people would like to have something in addition to a cloak. I have seen robes, but they usually look unisex and rather boring. What I love to see are the flowing skirts and bellowy shirts that come out when people gather at events. I like the idea of these kinds of clothing being used specifically for ritual.

One of the most important parts of preparing for a rite is to attune your energy to the task at hand or purpose of the ceremony. Many books encourage you to have jewelry specifically set aside for ritual use. Putting on that special jewelry helps alter your energy so that it’s more in tune with your intent. I believe clothing can and should do the same thing.

Think about it. Don’t you have a favorite pair of jeans or a favorite dress that makes you feel different when you wear it? They might be made of the same material as other clothing you own but when you put on this particular item it makes you feel beautiful or alluring or even comfortable and relaxed. I believe ritual wear should do the same thing for you. I have had many different dreams where clothing I have never seen before have been worn by me or other people within the dream. I think that those are the clothes I’m supposed to be giving to the world. I believe each person should have something special they wear as they walk along their chosen path. And I would like to be the person that creates it for them.

As I sat at my desk tonight working on my last two articles I felt the need to procrastinate (I am the Queen of Procrastination, after all) and in that procrastination I decided to get a little guidance from my Tarot. So I shuffled the deck and cut them into five piles before me.. and began asking questions.

1. Where should I start?
1. The card I drew was The Fool

- The meaning is: Purity of Heart. Lack of discipline. One seeking fulfillment and experience. Freedom, lack of restraint.

·        I took this to mean that my intentions are pure of heart when it comes to seeking fulfillment and a true experience. And since what I long for is freedom and lack of restraint I needed to stop holding myself down and allow myself to follow the dreams I have.

2. What should I do?
1. The card I drew was The Star

- The meaning is: Hope and faith. A blending of the best of the past and present. Bright prospects. Mastering the occult arts. An awareness of two worlds.

·        I took this to mean that I needed to have faith in myself and trust where my heart lies. I am pagan and must remember that is where my heart always turns. I should master my knowledge of this path and use that knowledge to create something that is needed in both the mundane (every day wear) and the occult (ritual wear).

3. How long will it take?
1. The card I drew was The Devil, in reverse

- The meaning is: A release from bondage. A rest. A new life’s direction.

·        I took this to mean that I needed to stop allowing worry and concern hold me back from taking a new direction in my life through the creation of ritual wear and other clothing. I also believe I was being told to take a rest so that I can properly prepare for this new direction. I need all my ducks in a row first.

4. Will I be successful?
1. The card I drew was the 3 of Pentacles

- The meaning is: Skills and abilities will be appreciated and rewarded. Artistic ability, rank, power, achievement. Success through effort.

·        I took this to mean that as long as I used the skills and abilities that I have I will be successful. But to ensure this success I needed to work hard and keep improving my skill set through learning from others and learning on my own.

5. Will I be happy?
1. The card I drew was the Wheel of Fortune

- The meaning is: Change, destiny, fortune, good luck, the end of troubles in sight. Moving ahead for better or worse.

·        I took this to mean that I will be happy because I will be doing what I love. There will be good times and there will be bad times, as there should be in life, but over all I will be happy. This settled the fears that immediately rose with the thought of truly pursuing this plan.

I want to create a place of contentment where I can help other people get what they want and need through my creations. I want to be able to create things that are influenced by the buyer so that when they put them on they can feel their energy shift to magical and feel powerful within them. I’m always happier when other people are happy. The key to my own happiness is being able to make someone else happy.

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: Find your path and walk it with pride, strength, and determination. With that you can never fail.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 91

Ahhh.. to be productive again…

Yesterday was such a blast! My sister came over early to start on my birthday cake. She makes the best cakes! My step-mom and GG were the next to show up and we had a great time talking and having fun. Not long after they left my mom and aunt arrived. After the last guest showed up I was banished so the decorating could begin. LOL! My brother told me to go to my room. Hehehe. I did the next best thing and went into the office.

Once the party really got started we had a great time! Good food, great cake, and even better company! I think it’s the best birthday yet! I also think that 37 is going to be my best year yet! :D

Today was a very productive day. Although my back was acting up when I first got up it calmed down around 2pm and allowed me to go into the office. I had some repair work that I hadn’t been able to do between my insane workload and then my back injury. Sooo, I spent the day repairing 3 pairs of jeans, hemming a pair of pants, and resewing the seam on another pair of pants. Busy day!

I am glad to have finally caught up on all the things I had to do for other people. This means I can start working on some things for myself. That will be awesome!

Well, that’s it for now. The diet went well today and the water went well too. I think I’m finally on the ball again. :)

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: I’m always happier when I have something to occupy my time.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 90

Amazingly great day!…

Today was the birthday party and was so much fun! I loved having everyone here, but am sooooo tired that I don’t have the strength to write about it. :D I’ll dish on it tomorrow.

Yay for family and parties!

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: There’s nothing better than getting together with the ones you love to have a great time!

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 89

Getting ready…

Since I was out of commission for my birthday last weekend, the family is coming over tomorrow to celebrate. So today I’ve been busy getting things ready for the beloved invasion. I’m so excited to be able to celebrate another birthday with my family and am really looking forward to tomorrow.

Since today was focused on getting everything ready I don’t have too much to say. The diet went well today and so did the water intake. All in all, it was a good day! :D

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: Parties are an excellent way to start your personal new year!

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 88

The harsh truth...

Well, this morning the scale gave me the harsh truth of reality. I did, indeed, gain weight. Being injured never makes it easy to do the right things for your body. If you had done the right things then it’s possible that you wouldn’t be hurt to begin with. I feel like if I say that it’s ok because I was hurt that would mean I was making excuses. That’s one thing that always seems to make me pause. When is an explanation not an excuse?

Sure, I probably could have made better choices, but when you can’t even stand up straight that’s a pretty difficult thing to do. Is it an excuse to say that you chose to go the easy route because you didn’t think you could be on your feet long enough to cook a better meal? I could say that it’s not an excuse because I’m not used to not having full control over my body. But then I think of people that live their lives without the full use of their bodies and do it well. Does that make me a weak person? My rationale tells me that more than likely in the beginning they had as much trouble as I did getting the good things they needed rather than taking advantage of easy food preparation like frozen food or delivery. So, that means I can’t use their example as a way to belittle my explanation.

And why am I trying to quantify an explanation so that it won’t come off like an excuse? Do I think I could have done better? Of course I do. And that’s what it comes down too. I allowed my pain and disadvantaged state, however temporary, to interfere with my goal of healthy eating. I’m sure that if I had the foresight to know I’d be in a bad place I would have prepared salads and stored them in my fridge in advance. But I didn’t have that foresight.

The lesson I could learn from this situation would be that I should prepare food in advance even if I don’t find myself in trouble. But is that realistic? Most days I feel like I’m lucky to have remembered to drink my water. So, how can I realistically think that I’d be together enough to have prepared meals ready for me the next time my back goes out?

I think what it really comes down to is that I have to start giving myself a break. I need to stop trying to kick myself when I’m down and allow myself to make mistakes. They are inevitable and that doesn’t mean that I’m less of a person or given to sloth. I’m always trying to be the best and I often fall short, but only in my own opinion. We are always hardest on ourselves. I need to learn to let myself fail on occasion and then be ok with it. If I don’t I’ll always be a victim of self-criticalization. Yes, I know that’s not a word, but it sure sounds right when you say it.

My mind has been humming since I finished Deborah Blake’s book and I want to get started doing some tasks I’ve set for myself. I’ve been focused on the diet part of my reclamation and that’s all fine and good, but when am I going to get into the pagan part? If my experience on Imbolc is any indication I’m falling very short of my goal and that needs to be remedied.

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: Don’t become a victim of self-criticalization

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 87

Blessed Imbolc...

What a whirl… what a whirl…

It looks like the experiment I did about water came back to haunt me. I had mentioned that my back was hurting in my last post and the next day it decided to take a vacation without taking me along with it. When my back goes out there’s not a lot I can do about it except force myself to force it to do what I want it to do. Unfortunately, it usually takes a good 3 days before my back starts understanding my commands again and another 2-3 days before I can do more than do an internal happy dance because my legs and brain are once more communicating. I’m thankful that my back doesn’t go on vacation very often, but when it does it really does a number on me.

Today is Imbolc and I’m sad to say that I wasn’t able to celebrate it with a full ritual like I’d prefer. Instead I simply closed my eyes, opened myself up to the Mother, and thanked her for continuing to turn the wheel of the year and beckon spring to come soon. My sister asked me what the holiday was about and I remember mentioning to her that milk played a role in the holiday with feast foods often including milk as an ingredient. I knew that milk was a part of it because animals (that aren’t on a cycle of hormones-thanks milk industry!) usually start producing milk at this time of year getting ready for spring foaling. It’s a symbol of renewal and abundance. Sooooo.. when I talked to her later today she asked me if I got some milk. LOL She mentioned it a couple of times and made me laugh. I told her she needed some milk because she was feeling tired. Milk does a body good, after all. :D

I’m so glad to be feeling human again and what a momentous day for that to happen. This year, Imbolc means more to me than a cherished holiday. It’s the day that I got my back to come back from vacation so I could get all the things I need done, done. I had taken two weeks off of my freelancing job so I could get a bunch of much needed work done around the house and when my back went out I got angry. I lost well over a week fighting to gain my feet again. Grrr, bad back! I can’t punish it, though, because it could easily go out on strike and put me in an even worse position. That.. would suck. Ayup.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I admit I’m a little nervous. Not being able to stand on my feet usually means I am unable to eat as well as I should be. Soooo, there’s the chance that I’ve fallen even further backwards than I had before. I can only hope that I can get on the scale without an accompanying growl. Poor scale isn’t telling me bad news on purpose.

I hope that tomorrow brings even more blessings than today for you, yours, and everyone.

Pounds lost: 17.1 (371.9)

Daily insight: Ever feel like you need a vacation from your vacation? I need a vacation from my back’s vacation. :D

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 86

What the lack of water might do to your body and did do to mine…

I have to warn you that none of what I’m about to tell you is pretty.. but it does go to show what the lack of water will do to your body. If you have any of these symptoms on a daily basis it could easily be because your body is struggling. What people seem to forget is that our bodies consist of 80% water and when we fail to introduce more water into our systems our body takes it from elsewhere to complete the necessary functions.

Since I stopped drinking water I have noticed several things. My coordination has been compromised. I believe this has happened because my joints, and this includes the joints in my fingers, have been dehydrated so movement isn’t as fluid as it should be. My fingers aren’t moving as well as they should be causing me to have more typing errors. My elbows hurt more than usual and my shoulders tire easily. My neck feels like it needs to be popped but nothing happens when I try and pop it. My knees have been clicking when I stand and my ankles and toes keep popping. It sounds like I’m cracking my knuckles when I take a step.

The area that seems to be the most bothered by the lack of water is my back. Today I had trouble getting out of bed and even now (nearly midnight) I’m still having to shift my position over and over again to try and reduce the amount of pain I feel in my lumbar region.

Internally a few things have been happening. I’ve experienced more heartburn than I usually do and (beware those with a delicate constitution) I am dreadfully constipated. I feel like I have to go but nothing is happening. Things are.. compacted. I’m not digesting as well as I should be and I do have minor abdominal pains as my body struggles to work through the food in my intestinal system.

This is all because my body is lacking the natural lubrication of water. I’m starting back with all my water first thing in the morning. I know that once I have water back in my system I’ll be annoyed by the fact that I will have to keep using the bathroom. I used to wonder why I would urinate so much when I drank water, but a doctor told me that while your body needs water when it’s first being reintroduced to it a lot of the water escapes. We aren’t like sponges, unfortunately, and it takes replenished cells to be strong enough to collect and pass along the water we drink.

If you aren’t a water drinker, you really should start drinking water. You’ll notice the same things I did/do.. the first few days (up to a week) about an hour after you drink water you’ll have to go to the bathroom and by the end of that second day you’ll notice your urine is nearly clear. This is how it should be. You actually shouldn’t be having yellow urine.. it should be nearly clear. This means the nutrients that were once coloring your urine are being properly absorbed again. You’ll find that after a week you won’t be having to go to the bathroom so frequently after you drink water.. your body will be absorbing more of it.

When your body gets the water it needs you will have a reduction of some of the issues I’ve mentioned or they will completely go away. Of course, if you are still having constipation after you start drinking plenty of water that is a major clue that you are missing some important parts of your diet. You will need to take the time to work with your diet to find the foods that give you the best results.

This all comes back to you knowing your body better than anyone else. If you learn things about your body then you will be able to make good decisions to keep it working well. I know that water helps reduce my joint pain and reduce the occurrences of my back pain.. and it stops me from being constipated. I can mark that on my list of things I can control about how my body works.

Water.. is life. And to me it means less pain and a better digestive function.

Pounds lost: 17.1 (371.9)

Daily insight: Craving water more than I ever craved the evil Pepsi. :)

Ounces of water consumed: 0

Steps in the right direction: 79

Re-learning how my body works…

I’ve decided to start a little experiment. I want to see if a change in what I eat or drink really does have an impact on my body. I didn’t have any water today and I’m going to refrain from water at least one more day. I want to take note of how my body is feeling. I want to see if my back hurts more, or my joints, or my eyes, or.. whatever. I want to see if my digestion changes or if my body even notices the difference whatsoever.

I think this is important because by noting anything that feels different I can make the connection between that pain or change and the amount of water I do or don’t drink. This will help me later when I attempt to figure out why something is or isn’t happening. For example, if I know that the lack of water consumption for two days causes my elbows to hurt more then I know that water is doing it’s job of lubricating my joints like I’ve read in articles about joint health. This will help me determine if I need to increase my intake of water later on when my elbows hurt.

I’ve said before that I think we should all know our bodies so that we can help doctors understand how we work before, during, or after we are hurt or ill. This is another way for me to have a better understanding of how my body uses the things I eat and drink.

Today was a good day. I laughed with my sister and nephew and then went home and laughed some more. I hope tomorrow is even better.

Pounds lost: 17.1 (371.9)

Daily insight: Knowing what makes you work will help you keep things working the best way they can.

Ounces of water consumed: 0

Steps in the right direction: 78

Taking a walk down nostalgia lane…

Today was a day for introspection and I found myself thinking about times gone by. I didn’t yearn for them or anything, but I did wonder what my life would be like now if I had made different choices. I’m closing in on my 37^th birthday and I find that it’s causing me to wonder about things I never stopped to wonder about before.

I don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made because they’ve helped me become the strong, independent woman I am today. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop me from wondering if I made the right decisions. I never would have thought I’d be almost 37 without a reliable job embarking on a new phase of my life that I sometimes feel I don’t have the skill set for.

Some days I love what I’ve gotten myself into and other days I question my sanity. LOL Today wasn’t a question my sanity kind of day and yet I still had a lot of wonder running around my head. I even found myself friending some of my ex-boyfriends on Facebook. LOL Yeah, it was one of those kind of days.

Today I also finished Deborah Blake’s book Witchcraft on a Shoestring and I really enjoyed it. I think my favorite part of the book was her last chapter titled, The Everyday Witch. She talked about how being a witch had nothing to do with buying more stuff and had everything to do with connection. Connection to the earth, to the Goddess and the God, to the seasons, to the animals around us, to the people in our lives, to our communities, and the fact that we are the connection that is most important.

I really liked her writing style and how I smiled, laughed, and was called to think about the things she said. I plan on keeping an eye out for more books written by her. If you haven’t read any of her books, I recommend her. She’s a good example of what each of us really is.. An ordinary person living as valuable a life as we can while being true to ourselves.

I like that.

Pounds lost: 17.1 (371.9)

Daily insight: Being ordinary doesn’t mean you’re not special.

Ounces of water consumed: 0
Steps in the right direction: 77

Busy is the way to be…

Today was a busy day for me with a lot of things that I had to finish before the end of the day. I’m still working on it but I’m hoping to be done well before midnight. If I manage to finish I can start on my two week reprieve to get myself back on track.

In an attempt to get myself out of the rut I’ve fallen into I’ve applied to work for a former employer. We parted on terms that could have been better. I left the company because the management team at the time was mistreating my fellow co-workers and me. That team was fired from the company not long after I left the company due to the bad press they received and the way their behaviors created an adverse effect on the business. I’m hoping that the track record of those managers will sufficiently counteract the fact that I left without ever signing my termination papers.

I don’t really want to be moving backwards in my employment history, but these are tough times and I can’t allow my pride to get in the way of me being able to pay my bills. Keeping my head above water is more important than any ego that I may have.

I continued reading my book by Deborah Blake and I should have it finished tomorrow. I look forward to being able to share with you what I’ve discovered in between the covers of her book.

The diet went only so-so today and I have no excuse for that. I wasn’t able to get into cooking today and so that allowed me to make food that wasn’t exactly on the menu. I’m hoping that I’ll have all of the items that aren’t good for me out of the house within the next few days.

Ok, back to work for me. Talk to you again tomorrow.

Pounds lost: 17.1 (371.9)

Daily insight: You can’t have tunnel vision when you’re looking at the big picture.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 76

Getting back in the groove…

Today was a pretty good day. I purposely kept it as quiet as possible since I’m trying to get back into the groove of things. I caught up on the reading of blogs I haven’t been doing. It’s been nice to see what’s been going on with other people and I was pleased to discover some recipes that I’ve now saved to my favorite places. :) I managed to drink all 64 ounces of water last night and am doing it again today. This is a great step toward getting back

Part of my mellow day was spent reading a book by Deborah Blake about money saving ways to get the things you need to be “Witchy”. I’m enjoying the suggestions that she has and have learned a couple of new things. That’s always a good thing.

Other than that I found myself asleep on the couch at one point and woke up with a tiny sleep hangover. I had left the heater on and the house was stuffy which, of course, made me groggy. A call from my sister woke me up and when she arrived I was still half asleep. I can only imagine the conversation we must have had. LOL

The diet went pretty well today although it wasn’t stellar. I need to get rid of all of the “tempting” foods I currently have in the house. Once they are gone things will be easier to persuade back on track. For dinner, though, I’m going to have a warm cup of soup and then curl up in front of the TV before bed.

I have a busy day tomorrow finishing up the last of my freelance work so I can take 2 weeks off to get my priorities in order. I sure hope that I can get it all done tomorrow so I won’t have to think about it again for a while.

Pounds lost: 17.1 (371.9)

Daily insight: Warmth makes me very, very sleepy!

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 75

Some days you can only keep your head above water…

Have you ever had days.. or in my case weeks.. where you feel like you’re barely keeping your head above water? The last 11 days have repeatedly kicked me in my backside. Of course, when I look back I wonder why. I had computer issues, then I had deadline issues, and then I had my “my body isn’t a happy camper” issues. The computer issues have thankfully been repaired, and after only 2.5 hours of sleep for 48 hours a couple of days ago I finished all of my work, although I did miss two deadlines. I think that’s what sent me into my “SIGH, I’m figgin’ exhausted and a little depressed” that’s kept a hold of me for the last few days.

I didn’t know how to get back online and admit all of this on here. I was afraid of my own oath of honesty. The scale on Thursday said my weight was 371.9 so I’d gained back nearly 2lbs and that added to my feelings of depression. I couldn’t face the fact that I was allowing myself to step away from my goals and my promise to myself. I could easily blame the amount of work I had given myself with my freelance work, but that is only part of it. Everything feels off kilter.

The loss of sleep because of my workload made me realize a few things. It made me realize that I was working 18+ hours a day for barely $25. None of it was even enough for me to pay my rent. If I count all of the work I’ve done for other people since November I can just make rent. That’s over 2 months of sacrificing time with my family and my goals for 1 month of rent. That is not ok. I was faced with the reality of my situation and that added to my self-deprecating attitude. I was asking myself things like… “What’s the point? You’re killing yourself for what? Why don’t you just give up?”

That kind of negative self speak isn’t unfamiliar to me, but I thought I had left it in my past. To have it rise up and point its finger at me in the mirror was hard to deal with. Is still hard to deal with.

In an attempt to cheer myself up I decided to do a reading with the Tarot, but every single card I pulled was negative. It made me feel defeated. I almost wanted to just stay down and not struggle to my feet again.

But I’m better than that.

Much better.

And I deserve more than just falling down and letting life run over the top of me. I deserve to be empowered and successful. I know that the only person that can make that happen is me. And I deserve for it to happen. So, I’m going to damn well make it happen.

I haven’t had any water today, but I put down that I’ll have consumed 64 ounces and this is my first step to getting back to where I need and deserve to be. I am going to drink all of the water I need to before I go to bed tonight. And I’m going to get back on this rickety wagon that I’ve allowed to roll over me and start steering it back down the path it should have always been on.

Pounds lost: 17.1 (371.9)

Daily insight: You’re the only one that can stop yourself from succeeding and you should never let you get in your way.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 74 - I just can’t count those days I let the wagon roll over me.

Circles in the Sand...

The line from the song won’t get out of my head as I sit down to write this. It seems like an odd song to be floating around inside my noggin’, doncha think?  Especially since today was just a day of work without any real daydreaming. I think I need a break so that I can get some real down time to read. I miss reading. I haven’t sat down to actually read, honest to goodness turning of pages, in months. I tried to read some of the books I have that pertain to my religion, but even those just sat there unattended.

Seems a shame that I’m doing all of this writing and none of it, outside of this blog, has been for me. A real shame. I think I’m going to take some time off after these last two big projects are done so I can concentrate on the things I want to write. After all, my reading a while back said my future has to do with my writing. And I have to believe that it means the writing I should be doing to get me published rather than the writing I’m doing for other people.

So, I suppose I should stop singing about circles in the sand and start making some art outside of my head. :) 

Pounds lost: 18.9 (370.1)

Daily insight: Glimmering, shimmering, dreams across the milky way.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 73

Differences…

Today, I feel different. I’m not really sure what it is that’s making me feel this way. I mean, outside of the usual aches and pains that belong to my body things feel different. I think it must be psychological. I feel like I a moving with more ease and that I’m taller than I was even yesterday. My path seems to be straighter when I walk through the house and I’m not really bumping into corners or stepping on my own feet like I usually do. I feel like my chair isn’t resting in the same spot in front of the computer and my arms are sitting differently atop the computer. I’m not sure why, but it’s like it’s not my body that I’m commanding.

Can you have an out of body experience in your own body?

I’m sure that this has more to do with the impromptu nap I took earlier today where when I woke up my head felt thick and heavy and my neck stiff. I’m sure I just woke up in an odd angle and it tilted my axis temporarily, but what a weird feeling this is. I’m also hoping that my nap won’t make it impossible for me to fall asleep tonight. I’ve been working on getting up at a “normal” time and don’t want to ruin my record.

The diet went well today, if you don’t mind me using popcorn at the movies as one of my snacks. Hehehe. But I did do well by not getting a soda and had water instead. The rest of the day everything went well, but I am only going to get 64 or my preferred 80 ounces of water today. Tomorrow when I’m sitting at my desk it will be better since I’ll have my water bottle just inches from my left hand most of the day.

I’m looking forward to spending the day working tomorrow and sneaking away for lunch with my mom. I still need to give her the Yule gift I made her. I really hope she likes it. I worked a long time on it and really think it’s great. :) All right. I think that’s it for now, I need to go get in a comfortable position on the couch. :) Night!

Pounds lost: 18.9 (370.1)

Daily insight: Spending time by yourself is good for your mental health.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 71

Relaxing…

Today I was determined to have some relaxation time. I snuggled on the couch while doing laundry and watching shows that had filled up my DVR. The puppy was a warm stole across my hip that didn’t move unless I made her. She was making happy, sleepy puppy noises under the blanket that covered us. It was a lovely quiet morning. My sister called me with wonderful news so we spent some time being exciting about it. I know that things will start getting easier for her from now on and that makes me really happy.

In the afternoon I went over to my parents’ house to get some things done. I love going over there, I always feel so welcomed and comfortable that I inevitably start to feel sleepy and relaxed. I sat in the recliner and had to shake myself awake. Hehehe.

I’m home again and thankful to be able to get back to snuggling on the couch. I have a date with my Step-mom and her mom tomorrow that I’m looking forward to. Soooo, I had better get done what I need to do so I can get back to the couch. :)

The diet went really well today, but I keep thinking I want something sweet even though I already ate a little nibble of pudding. Grrr, cravings are not my friend!

Pounds lost: 18.9 (370.1)

Daily insight: Encouraging words and hugs do wonders for the heart and soul.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 70

Keeping my eyes from crossing...

Have you ever had one of those days when you don’t really know where the day went, but suddenly you look up and it’s over? I had a day like that today. I know that I worked, because my eyes are crossing and my arms are tired, but I can’t remember hardly anything that I did today. It was like I was in a bubble in the office. I hope to heck that I remembered to take the puppy outside to do her business. Well, since there aren’t any surprises in the house I guess I at least did that. LOL

It’s surprising to me to discover that even though I haven’t been able to find a part time job, I’m busy all day long. Much longer than I would have been if I only worked 8 hours a day. That seems.. odd. I’m not sure I’d get everything I needed done done if I only allowed myself 8 hours to complete it. That makes me start to wonder just how I accomplished so much at work in the past. I was often a high performer and was the recipient of co-workers comments like, “slow down,  you’re making us look bad.” Curious.

Ah well, I still have an article and a quarter to finish before I can call it a night and then, let me tell you, my bed and I are going to be GREAT friends. LOL I’m going to sprawl all over it until it kicks me out in the morning. Hehehe.

I’m still delighted in the results I had with the scale yesterday and do remember doing some prancing earlier today when I was making some Tuscan tomato soup for lunch. I felt light on my feet. :D

Tomorrow, although it is a Saturday, is bound to be busy as I have work to do as well as a trip to get my brakes looked at. Hopefully, I won’t look up tomorrow and find the day over. I’m hoping to have some time to just relax and play catch with the puppy.

The diet went well today, although somehow oreos invaded my house and forced their way between my lips and down my throat. LOL I have NO idea how that could have happened. I’ll have to blame my zombie like state and that it’s a known fact that all zombies crave oreos more than flesh. (Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!) Ahem. Yeah, so.. yeah. I’ll work on that. :D

Pounds lost: 18.9 (370.1)

Daily insight: Oreo cookies are eeeeeeeeeeevil, but Zombies can’t get enough of them!

Ounces of water consumed: 80

Steps in the right direction: 69

Grrrrr technology.. grrrr!

About an hour ago my desktop computer decided it was happier freezing than working and I had to hard shut it down. :( Because of that I'm typing on my laptop and can't seem to get anything done. So, my post is going to have to be quick.

Besides the evils of technology giving me some more gray hairs, today was a good day. I managed to get a lot done including doing a bunch of testing for a job as well as having an interview over IM. :)

The diet went well today and my water intake was perfect. And the good news is that when I weighed in today I did so with a HUGE smile. I have lost weight again, Oh Happy Day! My weight is now 370.1 I am exceptionally happy about that! I believe things can only get better from here on out.

Pounds lost: 18.9 (370.1)

Daily insight: Numbers are only numbers, unless you give them power.

Ounces of water consumed: 80

Steps in the right direction: 68

Warm rosy glow...

Today was such a busy day and I was in such a good mood.  I got so much accomplished.  I ran all over town looking for items that I really need for my business and did a price comparison that everyone.  I'm pretty sure I found everything I needed and tomorrow morning I get to go buy them.  I had some questions like I always do, but thankfully my dad and his computer genius brain helped me figure it out.

I am most especially excited about the fact that I got the perfect one ear headset to use for my voice recognition software.  And believe it or not, I don’t have to correct the program every two seconds like I did before.  As a matter of fact (old boy, old boy!) I'm writing this post, completely hands-free.  Well, give or take a comma, a period, and a smiley face here and there. :)

Hopefully this will mean I'll get more work done with less pain, because less pain for me means more smiles and more time to be able to do the things I want to do.  You know, like reading books and making correct meal plan.  In other words, doing what I set out to do with this blog.

I think my good mood today really has everything to do with the numbers on the scale yesterday.  I'm crossing my fingers that tomorrow morning when I step on the scale again that news will be better than today.  Of course, the news I got today was pretty good. :) I'm contributing my good day today to the warm rosy glow I got from the scale. I hope tomorrow is just as awesome.

Pounds lost: 13.7 (375.3)

Daily insight: I love it when a plan comes together.

Ounces of water consumed: 80

Steps in the right direction: 67

I’ve.. Just.. Got.. To.. Say.. IT!

O…M…G!

It’s been five days since I last posted and things have been nuts around here. I love saying that because even though you aren’t present to see what I mean, I’m completely serious about it. LOL

I worked a long day for my Dad on the 31^st (We kicked butt, lemme tell ya!) so my sister and I had to cancel our plans for getting together to ring in the beginning of the new calendar year. She and I both wanted SLEEP. But I ended up staying up long enough to say Happy New Year to my sleepy eyed puppy.

The next day I went back to my Dad’s to finish up and was treated to a fantastic bowl of soup for lunch and an amazing treat for dinner! I love working for my parents, they always feed me so good. Hehehe. I still hadn’t brought my desktop in from the car so I didn’t get the chance to post anything.

The next day, Sunday, I needed to get rolling on an assignment that was due on Monday so I spent the day fighting with my voice recognition software until I finally gave in and just typed it all myself. The microphone on the headset is so touchy that if I had to take off the headset to go do something that when I came back I had to recalibrate it so that it could recognize that the word trapeze wasn’t actually trap a disease. SIGH. And once again because I didn’t want to “waste” time hooking up my desktop I used the laptop that doesn’t connect easily to the Internet so I didn’t post. Well, that and when I finally called it quits for the day it was after midnight.

Yesterday, Monday, I was trying to finish what I started on Sunday since I hadn’t managed to get more than 5-10 done and made the mistake of trying once more to use my voice recognition software. After an hour of trying to convince the program that bedding wasn’t betting or wetting or petting I wanted to throw my headset across the room. Needless to say, I need to look into a pair where the microphone stays facing the right way no matter how often I take it off and put it back on. I ended up using the laptop again, but wasn’t able to finish before midnight. SIGH.

Thankfully, my employer gladly gave me another day. Sooooooooo, today I busted them out! But because my arms were hurting from using the laptop I finally got off my lazy backside and brought the desktop back into the house and hooked it up. Viola! I was back in business and cranked the rest of them out as well as two additional 500+ word articles. I was on fire, baby!

I discovered tonight when I was reading over my last blog post that I didn’t note my weight last Thursday. Well, I can tell you that I wasn’t happy with it. I can’t remember what it was exactly, but I know that it showed me that I had gained rather than lost weight. Of course yesterday when I got brave and stepped on again the scale told me something COMPLETELY different. LOL But I’m going to wait until Thursday for my official weigh-in before I enter the number in to the blog.

Ok, I know there was more I wanted to say, but it all slipped out of my ear about 10 minutes ago. I think that’s a hint that it’s time for bed. And.. I’m off!

Pounds lost: 13.7 (375.3)

Daily insight: Never doubt yourself or you’ll just prove yourself wrong.

Ounces of water consumed: 80

Steps in the right direction: 66

Stylish Blogger Award!

How exciting! I feel honored to have been acknowledged as a new blog that Steph thought was stylish enough to share the love. Thank you Steph from Heart of Goddesses (whom I have been reading since I began this blog November 1^st).

Now it’s my turn

In order to accept this award you must….

1.Thank and link back to the person who awarded this to you.
2.Share 7 things about yourself.
3.Pay it forward to 9 recently discovered great blogs.
4.Contact those bloggers and let them know about their award.

Here are 7 things about me.

1. I have begun a renewed quest to get my weight under control and to bring my feet back on the pagan path where my heart has always been.

2. I love to write but spend more time daydreaming about what to write than actually writing. LOL

3. I have an addiction to Pepsi, most especially if it comes with a side of Pizza!

4. I have a silly nickname for every family member.

5. I’m the only brunette that should have been born a blonde in my family. (Think about it. LOL)

6. If I ever won the lottery I would open a work/live farm for homeless families so they can get on their feet again without feeling obligated to anyone.

7. I think men in Kilts are HOT.

Now for the blogs that I am passing this award, all were new to me since I began on blogger in November. I have been reading them every night before I post to my own blog just to see what everyone is up to. I always end up with a smile on my lips. You’re all great!

Heart of Goddesses (Is it cheating to link back to the blog that gave the award thus giving them the award again? Hehe)

Wiccan Writes

Witchy Grandmother’s Tea & Tarot

Cordelia’s Cauldron 

The Secret Life of the American Working Witch 

Confessions of a Kitchen Witch

Rising from the Ashes 

Wandering in the Woods 

Just Another Pagan Blog 

Thanks all!