I’d like that extra lazy with a bit of laundry on the side…

When I woke up this morning I was shocked to find it 9am. I remembered hearing the alarm and I was sure I only hit the snooze button once before rolling over. So, there must have been an occurrence of stolen time between 610am and 9am. Of course this isn’t an episode of alien abduction. It’s just a case of the lazy-ies.

I could throw out the excuse of my back hurting (it was too) but that’s not an unusual daily event and shouldn’t have stopped me from getting out of bed. I could also use the excuse that I was still catching up from the hectic Friday/Saturday I had. That would be lame. So the truth has to be told that I woke up incredibly lazy. I moved through the day at such a snails pace that I was shocked to see that it was evening before I started laundry. Shameful! Yet… nice.

The diet today was pretty tasty because it included single servings of chicken and cheese tortellini in creamy pesto and I would have to say at least 3 servings of broccoli. Yum! What a satisfying dinner. Water consumption was excellent and I even managed to keep away from milk (a vice of mine). Milk, it seems, has become a replacement for soda. I have drunk fat free milk for the last 10+ years but the thing that most people don’t realize is that the sugar content in milk is pretty high. The lower the fat the higher the sugar. It’s a catch 22. It might be better for you in fat intake but it can smack you in the carbs department. Quelle dommage!

I’ve started to search out my books and think that I’ve found the box that contains most of them. I want to get them all out of boxes so I can really see what I have. Then I’ll be able to determine in what order I want to read them. This will allow me to start at the basics in relearning the aspects of my religion.

I remember taking part in a class in the east bay that told me magic is the practice of creating change through the conformity of will. This means that magic is successful if the will is strong enough. My teacher told me that he’d been able to hone his skills so well that he could effectively change the color of something. His example was that he was able to change the color of the paint in a room in their home. It only lasted a little while, but he did it. I was impressed with the idea and always hoped it was possible. I did not witness this change so there was the instinctual doubt, but I sure like to think that kind of power existed.

Since the very basic stems from strengthening the will I believe I am already heading down that path. Starting this journey and sticking to it will enable me to strengthen perhaps more than my will. It will strengthen my very character.

Pounds lost: 0

The need to stop thinking about soda: Immediate

Daily insight: Even if you only accomplish one thing today, at least that’s one thing less on your list for tomorrow.

Ounces of water consumed: 60

Steps in the right direction: 8

Glistening…

I was awakened early this morning to the sound of rain coming down hard on my roof. It was a comforting sound and I was happy to snuggle back under the covers and listen to it for a while. I love the way it smells after a rain. There’s always something refreshing about a rain.

Today I made my project putting away all of the Halloween decorations and making my home all autumn-y. I can’t say Thanksgiving decorations because there’s not a single turkey around the house, but I do have a lot of autumn representations. I’m actually ready to start decorating for Yule but I always make myself wait until December 1^st. I even straightened up the garage. Productive day!

The diet was slightly side-tracked today with dinner being a individual sized boboli pizza and a seriously wicked craving for a soda. I think the two are psychologically linked for me. Thankfully that’s the last boboli in the house so I should be safe from here on out. I don’t know if the craving for soda will stop for quite some time. The last time I stopped drinking them it took me a good two months before I stopped looking longingly at the soda isle in the store.

Overall today was a very quiet and productive day. No huge insights but the day is still semi young. If anything spectacular hits me I’ll sign on and post about it. J

Pounds lost: 0

Soda’s craved: 2

Daily insight: Rain makes the world glisten when the sun comes out.

Ounces of water consumed: 60

Steps in the right direction: 7

Family is joyful…

Today was the anniversary party for my aunt and uncle. They have been married for 50 years. I think that’s amazing. My uncle made me tear up when he told me his life wouldn’t be as good without my aunt. He’s life was only wonderful because she was his wife. I think that’s just fantastic. No one invests those kinds of emotions any more or strives to have a marriage last 50 years. I look around me and I see a few that have lasted a long time and then I also see relatives that have married 3 plus times.

Personally, I haven’t been married once and I’m not sure I ever will. I believe marriage to be a life long commitment that both parties invest in equally to make it wonderful. Unfortunately, I have yet to meet a man that feels the same way about it that I do. I don’t regret never marrying and I know I could still have a child. I do plan on having a child one day, but I guess I’m not ready for that either. J

I loved being around my family today. I was so happy to see a cousin that lives several states away and enjoyed just “shooting the shit” with them all. They are very loving and always show true affection. Unfortunately, being a party my diet didn’t stand up to the chaos. I ate bigger portions but I did manage to avoid soda and only had water. When the cake came around I had a small piece (4 fork fulls) and a small scoop of ice-cream. I think I managed to avoid a major catastrophe.

Since today was such a long day filled with embroidery, driving, and visiting I’m going to head to bed early. I hope you all have a blessed evening.

Pounds lost: 0

Soda’s avoided: 3

Daily insight: Some times it takes growing up to learn to really appreciate your family.

Ounces of water consumed: 50

Steps in the right direction: 6

Caught up in it all…

I realized when I woke up this morning that I didn’t post anything last night. I had a busy day and lost complete track of time until it was time for my head to hit my pillow. I had a job interview in the morning and in the afternoon I took my sister a few places that she needed to go. We made plans to get back together for dinner so when I went home I had some baking to do. I made soft pretzels from scratch and took warm ones over to her place for dinner. It was lovely. When I got home I waddles to bed and fell asleep. I love busy days like that because there isn’t a single moment in the day that you can be bored.

I followed my diet very well and drank 70 ounces of water. It set a precedent for today’s activities.

This weekend is my Aunt and Uncles 50^th wedding anniversary. That’s such a momentous event especially since it’s no longer commonplace for people to stay together that long. My sister and I decided to create a gift for them and today has been all about completing the project. She created the embroidery design and I’ve been embroidering it. My fingers are stiff, let me tell you. I decided to take a break so I could post and since it’s so late I’m not going to be as long winded as I usually am.

Today I did very well on my diet and had each of my 5 small meals. I also drank all of my water and neatly avoided the soda isle when I went shopping for groceries. I picked up lots of greens for the daily salad and stocked up on packages of albacore in water. It’s very important for us to get our Omega-3 in our diet and although I’m not a huge fan of seafood I know it’s important so I make sure I do eat the fish I can tolerate.

Since my project time has been taken up with my embroidery I did not get a chance to work on any of my existing projects today. Tomorrow is the anniversary party so it’s likely that I will not work on any tomorrow either. So, when Sunday comes around I’ll be available once again to stay on task.

The weather has started to turn cold and the trees are a flame in all of their autumn glory. It is a sight that I missed living in Southern California and every time I step outside I smile. I’m blessed to be back home where the seasons change and I can see our Creators all around.

Pounds lost: 0

Soda’s craved after: Dozens!

Daily insight: We do silly things for the people we love.

Ounces of water consumed: 70

Steps in the right direction: 5

The end of day three...

The diet started out strong today. Meal replacement bar at 930am, a little cottage cheese and strawberries at 1145am, but then I got off track. L Lunch didn’t happen until 3pm and no afternoon snack, but dinner will be happening shortly. I did get my water in, so that’s always helpful.

I admit I wasn’t well prepared today when I left for my part-time contractual work. I had breakfast and my first snack, but didn’t plan far enough in advance. That’s my own fault and gives me motivation to build off of for tomorrow.

Part of tonight’s dinner will be set aside for my lunch tomorrow. Chicken on a bed of lettuce and spinach. No dressing. I won’t need it with how yummy the chicken looks. It’ll be moist enough.

I’m blogging earlier tonight so I can get to bed at a reasonable hour. I’m hoping a change in my bed time will help me get up earlier. I figure even if I’m in bed staring at the ceiling I’ll be more likely to fall into a restful sleep than if I was watching TV. My fingers are crossed!

I’ve posted a couple of pictures of me that were taken on November 1^st. I wanted to have a starting point reference so that as I lose weight I’ll be able to change and update the pictures. I can’t wait until that lady shrinks in the pictures.

I gathered a small pile of projects that I need to complete and set them next to my desk. Tomorrow I plan on sorting through them to see which one I should start with. Some will be easier than others to finish, but I’m determined.

Tomorrow is a new day and I’m ready for it. J

Pounds lost: 0

Daily insight: A new day brings new chances.

Ounces of water consumed: 60

Steps in the right direction: 3

Another step in the right direction...

As another day winds to a close I find myself pulled in several directions. My body is starting to feel the caffeine withdrawl (even though I had a soda when I went to lunch with my sister today) and I’m exhausted. I know it could very well be that my body is just tired from all of the preparation and clean up from my Samhain party. I made sure to drink plenty of water today to help counteract the sluggedness. Hopefully tomorrow my body will start to bounce back.

My plan was to start getting up at 630am so that I could start the day with yoga and some relaxation in the form of meditation. Unfortunately, the alarm has happily gone off the past two mornings but I remained in bed until nearly 9am. I’m probably going to have to move the alarm to the other side of the room so I have to leave the warmth of my bed to hit snooze. Even better, not hit the snooze at all but get in motion for the day right away. Tomorrow is another chance for me to succeed.

Yesterday I introduced some of my pagan past and how I lost sight of my heart for a while. As I continued to think about it I remember that I did try and get motivated again before now. I would read books but not finish them because reading school materials always got me sidetracked. I’d start projects like embroidering alter clothes and finish, but never hem the edges. I have a collection of books that need to be read and a collection of “heirloom” items I created that need finishing touches. I believe this is the best place for me to start. I cannot become reconnected when there are still dangling loose ends. Every day I am going to spend at least an hour on either a book or a project. I will report in this blog my project and the progress.

The second aspect of this blog concerns my diet and I thought I should give a little more information about how I found myself where I am today.

When I was little I admit I was a glutton. Food made me happy. A counselor would say that I was using food to compensate for happiness in other areas of my life or a molestation that had me hiding within myself. Sure, part of that was true, but I ate and over ate because food just friggin’ tastes good. My mother didn’t often cook and we had plenty of box meals, but when she did cook it was always amazing and I loved eating whatever she made. My family was on government aid so there was feast and famine each and every month. Some months we ate fast food and great meals in the beginning of the month and then powdered milk and mac n’ cheese at the end of the month. Other months, especially those with birthdays or holidays (because my mom wanted to make sure we had presents and a party), we ate a lot of spam and hotdogs sometimes with bread but only if we got it from the day old store and only if there was any left. I was taught that when you had the means you should get as much of what you want as possible. Buffet restaurants meant I was sick on the ride home. Cheeseburgers, fries, and shakes at the first of the month until my skin was greasy.

So when I went out on my own I noticed I was acting the same way. As soon as I got my paycheck it was pizza, soda, steakhouses and pasta focused restaurants and then the week before my next check I was PB&Jing it. I was spending all of my money on eating out and often had no money left to pay the bills. Thankfully, because of the physical nature of my job I lost quite a bit. As soon as I was promoted to a more sedentary position I gained it all back and then some because I was eating my paychecks.

This behavior was modified when I became fed up with bouncing checks and trying to hide my debt from my parents. The changes weren’t permanent and I found myself getting in debt again. This time I asked for their help and promised to change my ways, again. I don’t think it was until I turned 30 that I really made changes in my spending (on food) habits. Although, when I look back I think that my debt was reduced because I had a higher paying job, not better food spending habits. I was often just squeaking by on paying my bills. Then I was relocated. That’s a time that I mentioned in my last post so I think I’m caught up. I was tired. Tired of being in debt, tired of squeaking by, and dang tired of being fat.

In Southern California things did improve for me when I started losing weight through a diet and exercise plan. I started really dating. Well, dating more often than my once every 2 years. I also started modeling for plus-size women. I joined a group that encouraged big women (and men) to love themselves for who they are and I modeled for a calendar and even fashion events. I was actively in the BBW scene going to parties and dance clubs. When I started to gain the weight back I also started to become disillusioned with the scene. I started to notice that most of the women at the club had low self-esteem and often allowed themselves to be taken advantage of sexually in a most demeaning way. I didn’t drink when I went out, I’ve always been a believer in keeping myself safe and never drank when I knew I was driving. It bothered me to be around so many drunken women throwing themselves at guys that treated them like meat. Meat that is thrown away as soon as they get back from the car.

So, I left the scene and hid behind school and pizza. Pizza because I wasn’t getting the socialization I needed and school because it was kicking my ass. I let my weight come back on and on and on. I always told myself that I would focus on it after school was over.

Welp, school has been over since September 2009. No more excuses.

Pounds lost: 0

Daily insight: It’s never to late to do what you said you would

Ounces of water consumed: 60

Steps in the right directions: 2

Election Day!

Hello All,

Today is November 2^nd and Election Day. Today it does not matter if you are Pagan or follow a different path; today is about the Right to Vote. I firmly believe in our Right to Vote. If we seek changes in the world or even just in our little slice of it we need to vote. Change can only happen if we step forward and have our say. The best way to do that is to vote. Even if you end up not getting the results that you had hoped for at least you helped stake a claim for what you wanted.

Get out there and vote if you haven’t already. There’s still time!