I’ve been a bad, bad girl…

Yes, it’s true.. I, too, can be a bad, bad girl. In fact, I’m being one right now. Bet you couldn’t tell because of the magical screen of your computer that has mysteriously gone all sparkly. Hehehe. But seriously.. it’s been an astonishing 7 days since I last posted and that makes me a bad girl.

Strangely enough I can’t figure out what has kept me captivated until well past midnight each and every night. I do know that once my back started feeling better I found myself wandering around the house looking for things to do. I have almost finished my project for my business that will allow me to get down to the work of designing and creating garments. I just have one thing to say about ductape.. it is NOT oblivious to the laws of physics as some of the hype you may have heard suggests. The bodyform is drooping in places that it shouldn’t and is sagging in other places in response to gravity. I do believe I’ve also overstuffed the poor silver monster because it keeps popping its seams. Which is odd because there are plenty of spots on the thing that seem to lack stuffing. Hmm, how to get it to shift without having to dissect it again is the question.

I also need to make a trip to the home improvement store for a ridiculously long screw to keep the bodyform from leaning so far forward that it falls over. I have reason to believe that it’s the short screw currently in the base that is allowing this to happen. The weight is making that small screw useless.

We’ve been having some interesting weather in Northern California lately. Today while I was letting tossing the toy, inside, for the puppy I heard noise on the roof. It didn’t sound like rain so I glanced at the blinds that were open slightly and saw small white objects hit the ground. I didn’t believe my eyes so I ran to the door. The puppy and I stepped out to see blue skies over my neighbors house across the street and yet there was hail coming down so thick it almost looked like rain until you noticed the white pebbles all over the ground. Blue sky.. and hail? Intriguing!

I keep being told that its supposed to snow here, which is DOESN’T traditionally do, but the news tonight said it probably wouldn’t happen. :( Boooooooo. But at least the mountains to the east and north of us will be beautiful with their white caps. The last time it actually snowed here I was in high school. Sadly, it wasn’t enough to get us a snow day. :D

I have to thank the trike rides for the weight I lost, because going along with the theme of me being a bad, bad girl I haven’t been doing the diet very well. Today was the best attempt so far this week, but I failed to drink very much water. I need to get back on the ball.

It’s supposed to be sunny but really, really cold tomorrow so I plan on going for another ride. I probably won’t bring the puppy since she’d be shivering through the whole ride. But we’ll see.. she may not let me go easily. She’s so possessive… well, as possessive as an 9lb dog can be. LOL

Today is my mother’s birthday and she’s spending it with two of her sisters in Sacramento. I hope she had a really great day and comes home smiling. I left her a silly message on her home phone that I hope brings a smile to her lips when she hears it on her return home. We get to get together with her next weekend to celebrate. :)

Pounds lost: 17 (372.0)

Daily insight: Beware of small dogs.. they will use you as a trampoline if you let them!

Ounces of water consumed: 32

Steps in the right direction: 109

Blech…

Woke up with my back being a pain in the back. Sooo, I took part of a muscle relaxer but still had to fight my back to get in the car and drive out to my folks place to pick up a drill. Dad hooked me up with some other things I needed to complete my project.

My body and the partial muscle relaxer didn’t get along and as soon as I got back home and put groceries away I was passed out on the couch. I was asleep for several hours and while my back isn’t hurting as bad my head is super groggy. Me no like.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better and muuuuch more productive. :)

Pounds lost: 15.5 (373.3)

Daily insight: The rejuvenation factor of sleep is lost when it’s drug induced.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 102

Thursday is here again…

Well, it’s raining here in Northern California and while rain in winter isn’t unusual, the amount of rain we’re getting is. My home has a flat roof so I really hear the rain when it’s pounding out a tempo above my head. It’s been coming down so hard that it’s been like a constant drone in the background. My puppy doesn’t want to go out in it to take care of her business and I feel like her mean human when I insist she does. She gets me back, though, by making sure to shake off the icy cold rainwater as close to my legs as possible. Hehehe.

I’m in the middle of a project for my business that’s been making me scratch my head. I think I’m getting a bald spot. But I hope to have it finished by the end of this weekend. If only the rain would let up long enough for me to go get a drill from my Dad. Of course, while I’m there I’m hoping to commander the miter saw to make some of the cuts I need so I won’t have to use the jigsaw to do it. :D

I’m taking on another freelance job too and I hope I’m not repeating past mistakes and getting in over my head. Thankfully, since I’ve quit doing any other work through that website I don’t have a full plate. That should make it easier for me to complete the job.

Today was weigh in day.. insert sarcastic yay here.. and even though I’ve been riding my trike every day that it’s been sunny I didn’t lose any weight. Well, ok.. I lost .2lbs, but that is barely worth counting. I know why I didn’t lose weight and it has me mad at myself. I’ve been EATING. And I mean, not good stuff. I’ve also uncorked the IV and have been ingesting Pepsi. SIGH. I know why I’ve been doing that too. Comfort food/drink. Reality is staring me in the eye and I’m scared of where it will lead. No job, no income.. how long can I hold out with just my faith before I’m scrambling to find a place to stash my stuff while I’m homeless. This isn’t supposed to be happening. I think my fear of the future is allowing me to eat poorly because my brain is saying.. better get it now before there’s no chance of getting it again.

It’s a defeatist attitude and I don’t like it. I need to keep faith and keep moving forward down the path I’m on. Good things will come.. they must be just ahead. I only need to keep my eyes open for them.

Pounds lost: 15.5 (373.3)

Daily insight: Tomorrow might be the answer to everything.

Ounces of water consumed: 0

Steps in the right direction: 101

Me tired…

Did a lot of chores today, some that weren’t even my own (hehehe), so I’m tired and that means I’m not going to write tooooo much tonight. I have more chores to do tomorrow and then work, work, work on my own stuff.

Diet went really well today, but water did not. Gotta find a way to get both done without cramming it in at the end of the night.

Off to bed I go. :)

Pounds lost: 15.3 (373.7)

Daily insight: Sleepy time…

Ounces of water consumed: 32

Steps in the right direction: 97

Weekends are for resting, right?…

Ok, so yesterday I said I’d admit it if I didn’t complete my laundry list of my to do list. Well… I didn’t. LOL I did make a good dent in it and tomorrow I have more plans to finish it off. I’m hoping to pick up a half wine barrel and some great fertilizer from my parents that I can add to the others in my front yard where I grow vegetables. Since the majority of my to do list has to do with the front yard I figured I could hold off on doing them until I get the barrel and fertilizer.

My happy place got a little dented today when I was talking to a friend of mine. We were talking about how being a writer has changed so much in just the last 20 years. More and more people are writing and less and less people are becoming successful at it. Getting published seems to be similar to the odds you have at getting chosen to sing on American Idol. Thousands of hopefuls and only one winner. Depressing! It’s possible that I have better odds at winning the lottery. LOL! Naaaaw, I don’t think that’s the case. Plus, when I write it’s usually to hopefully help other people or it’s just for me. I guess it could be said that I’m not really looking to be “discovered”. I’d probably be happy just to make my family happy with silly stories.

I went on another ride today. It was beautiful outside here in Northern California and since rain isn’t expected until this coming week I figured I should enjoy the sunshine while I can. The puppy and I set out for a short ride to take us to the dog park before taking a tour of a nearby neighborhood. My legs are still sooo sore from all the riding and it’s making me walk funny. Even just walking through the house can be awkward enough to even amuse myself. Hehehe.

The diet went pretty well today, but I’ve noticed that I keep “missing” breakfast. I think that’s hurting my weight loss. I need to make sure that even if it’s just a piece of fruit I get something in my belly an hour after I get up. That’s my goal for this coming week.. I will get back into the habit of eating breakfast.

Pounds lost: 15.3 (373.7)

Daily insight: Sleeping in is a Saturday tradition, isn’t it?

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 96

A laundry list of a To Do List…

Today was a busy day and when I got home I found myself glued to my desk chair exploring the Internet and playing the addictive game of Spider Solitaire. Evil mindless game! LOL Ok, not so mindless since you have to be able to look ahead several steps to actually win the game. But still.. it is an evil tool of procrastination for the Queen of Procrastination to take advantage of. And.. I did. LOL

I have quite a long list of chores to do tomorrow so I’m hoping the weather holds out and I get to complete them. I was sooo surprised when I got up this morning. My body is so stiff! I think the exhaustion I mentioned yesterday has transformed into serious muscle ache. My thighs are totally owied! Every time I stand up from the chair I feel them. LOL I guess all the biking is finally being felt. Yeow! I’m sure it will feel better in the morning. I sure hope so since I plan on taking another ride before I start my chores.

Sooo.. I’m hoping to report that I accomplished a whole mess of chores when I post tomorrow night. Of course if I didn’t.. I’ll still tell. :D

Pounds lost: 15.3 (373.7)

Daily insight: Stretching feels awesome when you have tight muscles.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 95

Taking care of the remnants of Autumn...

The weather has been so wonderful for the last couple of weeks and it makes me think that Spring is just around the corner. Workload and illness has restricted my ability to collect and toss out all of the trappings of autumn that were cluttering up my front and back yards. The leaves are everywhere and the grass is struggling to break through.

Today I went on another ride today. I went to visit my grandparents that live about 2 miles from my house. I managed to get there in about 20 minutes. Exciting! We visited for over an hour before I biked on back home. When I got back I was still feeling so energized that I managed to clean up my backyard. All the leaves that I could wrangle are now in the green waste bin. My potted plants can now breath without the clog of leaves. I was pleasantly surprised when I went to de-leaf one pot and discovered that wild onions had been brought in by birds and the wind and were now thriving. I transplanted the flowers that had been in that pot and have given it over to the wild onions. How exciting! I love it when nature gives me a gift like that.

Cleaning the backyard took up most of the day so when I was done I was… DONE. Hehehe. I’m exhausted. I know I’m going to sleep really well tonight. I am going to be working for my Dad tomorrow so I have to make sure that I actually succeed in waking up with my alarm in the morning. I hope I can! The sandman usually has a strong hold on me in the morning.

Well, today was weigh in day and although I keep cringing when I step on the scale I was pleased to discover I had lost 3.2lbs. Wahoo! I believe I owe that loss completely to biking! The plan is to get my diet completely back on track come Monday so when I ride I’ll be making more of a dent in my weight loss. I can’t wait until I’ve built up enough endurance to ride to the grocery store instead of driving.

Pounds lost: 15.3 (373.7)

Daily insight: Exercise increases your energy level!

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 94

Riding along with the wind in my hair…

There’s just something delightful about riding along with the wind making your hair dance behind you. I went for a ride today and as I pedaled along I found myself smiling and saying hello to everyone that I passed along the way. Smiling and saying hello isn’t anything new for me, but today the smiles in return seemed brighter. I love it when people are cheerful. And I know from experience that a smile is contagious and will brighten your day.

When I made it back home my good mood continued and I found myself making up songs as I moved around the house. Nonsense songs that would have only made sense to me if someone overheard me. I sang to the puppy, to the dishes, and even to the computer screen. I decided that my smile today stemmed from the song I had in my heart. I think having a song in your heart is important. Even if it’s a stereotypical down on your luck country song. With a song in your heart you can change your mood just by changing the lyrics.

The next time you are in a bad mood, try singing a silly song to yourself.. one that makes you laugh.. and see how long you can keep yourself in a bad mood. I bet it won’t be for very long.

The diet got thrown off balance today because of an unexpected trip to Sonoma to help a neighbor get both her husband (who couldn’t drive because his diabetes was messing with his vision) and her car home. But the water intake was good and I still have a song in my heart. Not to shabby! :D

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: Smiles are contagious!

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 93

How can it be this late?

Today was one of those days that seemed to fly by. I didn’t wake up late, I woke up pretty early and the day proceeded to disappear with a lot of speed. I did fix my trike so I was able to go for a ride today. I have plans for another one tomorrow.

I was able to catch up with a friend of mine, which was really nice, so I spent most of the day in front of the computer. Unfortunately, I didn’t spend it productively. I wasted a lot of the day playing spider on my computer. LOL

I have an assignment due tomorrow so I’ll be at the computer again, but I since I have plans to ride my trike I think I’m going to make a trip out of it and head over to my grandparents for a visit.

I’ve been making plans to get started on my designs. I am determined to have my custom body form created by this Sunday. I asked my niece to work on it with me, but I’m concerned that she “won’t be available” so I’m going to see if my mom would be interested in helping me. The sooner I get started the sooner I can get things available for purchase. :)

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: Sometimes the day just.. disappears.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 92

Making Plans…

Today I spent some time with my sister and then worked to complete a contract that I had for my freelance work. I’m trying to whittle down the workload I had through a specific website so I can start focusing on more lucrative projects. I was talking to my sister today and she reminded me how excited I had been about a clothing line I had started to design for people that are following the pagan path.

Not all of us are comfortable completing rituals skyclad nor is the weather always reasonable for doing so. There are paths that don’t call for being unclothed to commune with their creator. When I have searched for ritual wear online I have noticed a lack of creativity in a lot of what I find. There are cloaks, of course, and many of them are lovely but I believe people would like to have something in addition to a cloak. I have seen robes, but they usually look unisex and rather boring. What I love to see are the flowing skirts and bellowy shirts that come out when people gather at events. I like the idea of these kinds of clothing being used specifically for ritual.

One of the most important parts of preparing for a rite is to attune your energy to the task at hand or purpose of the ceremony. Many books encourage you to have jewelry specifically set aside for ritual use. Putting on that special jewelry helps alter your energy so that it’s more in tune with your intent. I believe clothing can and should do the same thing.

Think about it. Don’t you have a favorite pair of jeans or a favorite dress that makes you feel different when you wear it? They might be made of the same material as other clothing you own but when you put on this particular item it makes you feel beautiful or alluring or even comfortable and relaxed. I believe ritual wear should do the same thing for you. I have had many different dreams where clothing I have never seen before have been worn by me or other people within the dream. I think that those are the clothes I’m supposed to be giving to the world. I believe each person should have something special they wear as they walk along their chosen path. And I would like to be the person that creates it for them.

As I sat at my desk tonight working on my last two articles I felt the need to procrastinate (I am the Queen of Procrastination, after all) and in that procrastination I decided to get a little guidance from my Tarot. So I shuffled the deck and cut them into five piles before me.. and began asking questions.

1. Where should I start?
1. The card I drew was The Fool

- The meaning is: Purity of Heart. Lack of discipline. One seeking fulfillment and experience. Freedom, lack of restraint.

·        I took this to mean that my intentions are pure of heart when it comes to seeking fulfillment and a true experience. And since what I long for is freedom and lack of restraint I needed to stop holding myself down and allow myself to follow the dreams I have.

2. What should I do?
1. The card I drew was The Star

- The meaning is: Hope and faith. A blending of the best of the past and present. Bright prospects. Mastering the occult arts. An awareness of two worlds.

·        I took this to mean that I needed to have faith in myself and trust where my heart lies. I am pagan and must remember that is where my heart always turns. I should master my knowledge of this path and use that knowledge to create something that is needed in both the mundane (every day wear) and the occult (ritual wear).

3. How long will it take?
1. The card I drew was The Devil, in reverse

- The meaning is: A release from bondage. A rest. A new life’s direction.

·        I took this to mean that I needed to stop allowing worry and concern hold me back from taking a new direction in my life through the creation of ritual wear and other clothing. I also believe I was being told to take a rest so that I can properly prepare for this new direction. I need all my ducks in a row first.

4. Will I be successful?
1. The card I drew was the 3 of Pentacles

- The meaning is: Skills and abilities will be appreciated and rewarded. Artistic ability, rank, power, achievement. Success through effort.

·        I took this to mean that as long as I used the skills and abilities that I have I will be successful. But to ensure this success I needed to work hard and keep improving my skill set through learning from others and learning on my own.

5. Will I be happy?
1. The card I drew was the Wheel of Fortune

- The meaning is: Change, destiny, fortune, good luck, the end of troubles in sight. Moving ahead for better or worse.

·        I took this to mean that I will be happy because I will be doing what I love. There will be good times and there will be bad times, as there should be in life, but over all I will be happy. This settled the fears that immediately rose with the thought of truly pursuing this plan.

I want to create a place of contentment where I can help other people get what they want and need through my creations. I want to be able to create things that are influenced by the buyer so that when they put them on they can feel their energy shift to magical and feel powerful within them. I’m always happier when other people are happy. The key to my own happiness is being able to make someone else happy.

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: Find your path and walk it with pride, strength, and determination. With that you can never fail.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 91

Ahhh.. to be productive again…

Yesterday was such a blast! My sister came over early to start on my birthday cake. She makes the best cakes! My step-mom and GG were the next to show up and we had a great time talking and having fun. Not long after they left my mom and aunt arrived. After the last guest showed up I was banished so the decorating could begin. LOL! My brother told me to go to my room. Hehehe. I did the next best thing and went into the office.

Once the party really got started we had a great time! Good food, great cake, and even better company! I think it’s the best birthday yet! I also think that 37 is going to be my best year yet! :D

Today was a very productive day. Although my back was acting up when I first got up it calmed down around 2pm and allowed me to go into the office. I had some repair work that I hadn’t been able to do between my insane workload and then my back injury. Sooo, I spent the day repairing 3 pairs of jeans, hemming a pair of pants, and resewing the seam on another pair of pants. Busy day!

I am glad to have finally caught up on all the things I had to do for other people. This means I can start working on some things for myself. That will be awesome!

Well, that’s it for now. The diet went well today and the water went well too. I think I’m finally on the ball again. :)

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: I’m always happier when I have something to occupy my time.

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 90

Amazingly great day!…

Today was the birthday party and was so much fun! I loved having everyone here, but am sooooo tired that I don’t have the strength to write about it. :D I’ll dish on it tomorrow.

Yay for family and parties!

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: There’s nothing better than getting together with the ones you love to have a great time!

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 89

Getting ready…

Since I was out of commission for my birthday last weekend, the family is coming over tomorrow to celebrate. So today I’ve been busy getting things ready for the beloved invasion. I’m so excited to be able to celebrate another birthday with my family and am really looking forward to tomorrow.

Since today was focused on getting everything ready I don’t have too much to say. The diet went well today and so did the water intake. All in all, it was a good day! :D

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: Parties are an excellent way to start your personal new year!

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 88

The harsh truth...

Well, this morning the scale gave me the harsh truth of reality. I did, indeed, gain weight. Being injured never makes it easy to do the right things for your body. If you had done the right things then it’s possible that you wouldn’t be hurt to begin with. I feel like if I say that it’s ok because I was hurt that would mean I was making excuses. That’s one thing that always seems to make me pause. When is an explanation not an excuse?

Sure, I probably could have made better choices, but when you can’t even stand up straight that’s a pretty difficult thing to do. Is it an excuse to say that you chose to go the easy route because you didn’t think you could be on your feet long enough to cook a better meal? I could say that it’s not an excuse because I’m not used to not having full control over my body. But then I think of people that live their lives without the full use of their bodies and do it well. Does that make me a weak person? My rationale tells me that more than likely in the beginning they had as much trouble as I did getting the good things they needed rather than taking advantage of easy food preparation like frozen food or delivery. So, that means I can’t use their example as a way to belittle my explanation.

And why am I trying to quantify an explanation so that it won’t come off like an excuse? Do I think I could have done better? Of course I do. And that’s what it comes down too. I allowed my pain and disadvantaged state, however temporary, to interfere with my goal of healthy eating. I’m sure that if I had the foresight to know I’d be in a bad place I would have prepared salads and stored them in my fridge in advance. But I didn’t have that foresight.

The lesson I could learn from this situation would be that I should prepare food in advance even if I don’t find myself in trouble. But is that realistic? Most days I feel like I’m lucky to have remembered to drink my water. So, how can I realistically think that I’d be together enough to have prepared meals ready for me the next time my back goes out?

I think what it really comes down to is that I have to start giving myself a break. I need to stop trying to kick myself when I’m down and allow myself to make mistakes. They are inevitable and that doesn’t mean that I’m less of a person or given to sloth. I’m always trying to be the best and I often fall short, but only in my own opinion. We are always hardest on ourselves. I need to learn to let myself fail on occasion and then be ok with it. If I don’t I’ll always be a victim of self-criticalization. Yes, I know that’s not a word, but it sure sounds right when you say it.

My mind has been humming since I finished Deborah Blake’s book and I want to get started doing some tasks I’ve set for myself. I’ve been focused on the diet part of my reclamation and that’s all fine and good, but when am I going to get into the pagan part? If my experience on Imbolc is any indication I’m falling very short of my goal and that needs to be remedied.

Pounds lost: 12.1 (376.9)

Daily insight: Don’t become a victim of self-criticalization

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 87

Blessed Imbolc...

What a whirl… what a whirl…

It looks like the experiment I did about water came back to haunt me. I had mentioned that my back was hurting in my last post and the next day it decided to take a vacation without taking me along with it. When my back goes out there’s not a lot I can do about it except force myself to force it to do what I want it to do. Unfortunately, it usually takes a good 3 days before my back starts understanding my commands again and another 2-3 days before I can do more than do an internal happy dance because my legs and brain are once more communicating. I’m thankful that my back doesn’t go on vacation very often, but when it does it really does a number on me.

Today is Imbolc and I’m sad to say that I wasn’t able to celebrate it with a full ritual like I’d prefer. Instead I simply closed my eyes, opened myself up to the Mother, and thanked her for continuing to turn the wheel of the year and beckon spring to come soon. My sister asked me what the holiday was about and I remember mentioning to her that milk played a role in the holiday with feast foods often including milk as an ingredient. I knew that milk was a part of it because animals (that aren’t on a cycle of hormones-thanks milk industry!) usually start producing milk at this time of year getting ready for spring foaling. It’s a symbol of renewal and abundance. Sooooo.. when I talked to her later today she asked me if I got some milk. LOL She mentioned it a couple of times and made me laugh. I told her she needed some milk because she was feeling tired. Milk does a body good, after all. :D

I’m so glad to be feeling human again and what a momentous day for that to happen. This year, Imbolc means more to me than a cherished holiday. It’s the day that I got my back to come back from vacation so I could get all the things I need done, done. I had taken two weeks off of my freelancing job so I could get a bunch of much needed work done around the house and when my back went out I got angry. I lost well over a week fighting to gain my feet again. Grrr, bad back! I can’t punish it, though, because it could easily go out on strike and put me in an even worse position. That.. would suck. Ayup.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I admit I’m a little nervous. Not being able to stand on my feet usually means I am unable to eat as well as I should be. Soooo, there’s the chance that I’ve fallen even further backwards than I had before. I can only hope that I can get on the scale without an accompanying growl. Poor scale isn’t telling me bad news on purpose.

I hope that tomorrow brings even more blessings than today for you, yours, and everyone.

Pounds lost: 17.1 (371.9)

Daily insight: Ever feel like you need a vacation from your vacation? I need a vacation from my back’s vacation. :D

Ounces of water consumed: 64

Steps in the right direction: 86