Saturday, December 11, 2010

Almost had a bitter divorce from the scale…

I have been struggling, for the last few days, with the news my scale gave me on Thursday. I had noticed the week before last that my scale was acting funny, saying things that couldn’t possibly be true. I had turned it over and the tabs that are supposed to be between the weight gauge and the floor were askew. I pealed them off and placed them back correctly then set it down so I could step on it again. Suddenly it was reading “right” so that when I stepped on three more times the weight between the three times was off maybe by a ½ lb.

But when I stepped on to the scale last Thursday morning it rudely told me I was almost back to where I started. In the high 380’s. I stepped off. And on. And OFF, again. I flipped it over and found that the tabs were askew AGAIN. Frustration! And anger. I knew that what I had eaten the week before included Thanksgiving leftovers and a lovely meal with my parents, but I thought it was IMPOSSIBLE that I would have gained 9 lbs in a single week. For the whole day I couldn’t fathom the possibility and ranted to my sister and a friend. I didn’t think I was in a good frame of mind and shouldn’t write a blog. So I stayed away.

On Friday I had intended to write about the day before but I ended up drowning in the work I had in my inbox. Because that was a convenient excuse I allowed myself not to talk about it, but when I stepped away from the desk to fix and eat dinner I dug out some industrial glue (that my Dad gave me because he rocks like that!) and went to work scrapping the old glue off the tabs and scale. I then glued the tabs back on. I knew I needed to wait 24 hours for the glue to completely dry and that gave me another excuse to not think more about what had completely unhinged me.

Tonight when I stepped on the freshly glued scale I had to look at the truth of my situation. I breathed a sigh of relief when my scale read 377.2 instead of 387 or something INCONCIEVABLE. Yes, I gained some weight and that’s a hard pill for me to swallow, but at least I know that the scale won’t be pulling odd numbers out of its memory to mess with me again. If the scale reads heavy it’s because I’m heavy not because the scale is misaligned. I have to come to terms with my fears.

Part of my mind is still trying to reassure me by reminding me of what I witnessed in the past when it comes to being on my period. I always, always weigh 3 lbs heavier during my period than I do when it’s over. I have no idea if that’s because of water gain that women have to suffer with or if I’m just…odd. No matter the case I need to stop “excusing” myself and deal with things in the here and now.

My goal is to lose weight not obsess over the gaining or losing of it. I know from past experience that there will be highs and there will be lows, but I need to focus on the long term goal and make the appropriate changes to keep me on the path that will take me there.

My faith was tested by a piece of machinery made to help me not hinder me. I cannot allow that to happen again. I also need to make sure that I post even when the news I may have is disappointing. I cannot keep an honest record of what I’m going through if I am practicing avoidance.

Pounds lost: 12.5 (376.5)
Daily insight: You can’t avoid things forever; eventually the house will fall on you if you don’t stop it.
Ounces of water consumed: 64
Steps in the right direction: 42

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