Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Be careful what you wish for…

This is a statement I’ve heard in the past. And today I heard it again, from my sister. I’ve never had a fear of that statement because whenever it’s come into my life it was for a good reason. Well, today I wasn’t so sure about that any more.

In a post a while back I made a comment about missing my dreaming and how I wanted to get back into the habit of them. I meant both the “regular” dreams that we all have and my precognitive dreams that I’d been having on and off since I was a child. I’ve always remembered those dreams to have a different color to them and that was how I would relate them when déjà vu hit me later.

Well, I don’t remember any different colors from the last couple of nights, but I sure do remember the dreaming. Last night was the most intense, though, and I woke with rapid pulse.

I had one hell of a nightmare. It involved an ex.. his need for revenge that had no validity.. and death. In the dream he blamed me for all the things that had gone to crap in his life after we broke up. He believed I was the catalyst of his problems and if he could destroy me he would be free. He decided to do this by taking the people I love away from me. In my dream he manipulated my sister (this would NEVER happen, but she was one hell of an actress in my dream and had me believing it) so that she was blindly in love with him and trusted him completely. When she told me about their relationship I confronted him over the phone believing he was still out of state.

He wouldn’t let me speak and instead told me what was going on. He told me it was my fault that his life had turned to crap and he was going to make me pay by making me suffer. He gave me details about how he was going to kill everyone. Graphic details. I opened my mouth to say something to him but he hung up on me.

I tried to convince my sister that it was a BAD idea that he couldn’t be trusted, but the dream shifted to another angle showing him getting out of the backseat of a car that was stopped in the middle of the road up the street. He slinked off into the foliage along side the road. I knew I had to get to my Dad, he would have what I needed to defeat the “enemy” and keep my loved ones safe.

The dream shifted again and I had a gun and was on foot trying to get to my Dad’s home. He doesn’t live within walking distance so I felt like I was rushing to climb hills and run through forests to get there. In this sequence of the dream I was having flashbacks, I guess, of discovering my sisters body, a body of a man I didn’t recognize, and my niece coming out of hiding – bloodied and scared to death from a closet in my home. I was still on the move, hurrying to get to my Dads and could see other things happening as I went. He had somehow convinced the police that I had killed my sister and the guy and they were after me.

I had to sneak through town because there were road blocks up and I could see the cops standing around talking over a picture of me and the words coming from the Sheriff “Capture by any means possible”.

Suddenly, I saw myself in the cross hairs of his long distance rifle. But it shifted from me to my Dad. Right before I woke up, I woke up inside the dream and trying to shake off the dream walked into the front room, but the holiday tree had all of its lights off even though I knew I had left them on. I turned around and went back to my room to get my taser because I knew something was wrong.

That’s when I actually really did wake up and I woke up scared! My heart was racing and I was afraid to move. My dog hadn’t made any noise so I knew that I was probably safe since she barks at everything, but I couldn’t make myself move. Finally as I reached for where I keep my Taser I looked to see if the lights from the tree were still shining into my room. They were. Phew. But I couldn’t stop the feeling of being so very scared and of being threatened. I got up and walked through the house checking all of the nooks and crankies for any potential invader. I even slipped the blinds out of my way to peek outside. No one was there. It was quiet outside.

The intensity of the dream was so vivid and stuck with me for a while. It took a good 30 mins before I could fall back to sleep. When I woke up several hours later it was as if the dream had just happened and it has stayed with me all day.

I haven’t had a dream that intense in years. I have to admit I’m a little freaked out about going to sleep tonight.

On another front, the diet went well today and my water intake was great. I’m a little worried about the weigh in tomorrow now that the scale is fixed since I might not be.

I suppose I’ll find out in the morning. Here’s hoping I have nicer dreams tonight.

Pounds lost: 12.5 (376.5)
Daily insight: I could really use some fluffy clouds and sparkling rainbows in my dreaming about now.
Ounces of water consumed: 80
Steps in the right direction: 46

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